Chris Exley DipFA Creator of MoneyGeek | Financial Coach

MoneyGeek Digest - Issue 6:
The 9 Money Conversations Every Couple Should Have...

Dear Reader,
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Happy St David's Day 🌼
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Adelle and I celebrate our 6th wedding anniversary soon (Sugar, i'm told).

Summer 2020.

One of the first weddings allowed that post COVID…

6ft distancing
10 guests
A registrar in latex gloves

Describing it now makes it sound less like a celebration and more like a medical experiment.

But it was a GREAT day nonetheless...

Statistically speaking, married couples become 2–4x wealthier over time.

I can’t say we feel that yet.

But we’ve (hopefully) got time.

What I have seen - as an IFA advising couples for over a decade - is this:

Marriage in the UK is financially powerful.

Most people don’t realise quite how powerful.

Married couples can:

• Transfer unused personal allowance (if eligible)
• Pass unused Inheritance Tax allowances
• Transfer assets without Capital Gains Tax
• Transfer assets free of Inheritance Tax

Used properly, I’ve seen these rules save families six figures.

And yet…

Around 40% of marriages still end in divorce; with money consistently cited as a key contributor.

In my experience - these financial disagreements rarely stem from complexity, but from lack of conversation.

Here are 9 money conversations to have before signing on the line...

1 .What are we allowed to 'waste' money on?

Honestly - I cannot tell you how often I hear this. What counts as waste is so subjective...

She 'wastes' £200 on a handbag.
He 'wastes' £200 on golf clubs.

Neither builds wealth - but both bring happiness.

The issue isn’t the spending, it’s the judgement.

If discretionary spending isn’t defined, you create:

Silent scorekeeping
Financial guilt
Double standards

A simple fix: Agree a personal spending allowance each month. No questions asked.

Everything beyond that? A joint decision.

2. Have we actually used the financial benefits of marriage?

Many couples are married emotionally…but not financially.

Marriage creates flexibility - not least around transfer of assets - but only if you use it deliberately.

I’ve seen couples overpay tax for years simply because things like buy to let ownership and pension income weren't structured appropriately.

3. Would we ever sign a pre-nup / post-nup?

“If you loved me, you wouldn’t need one.”

I disagree - love and contracts are different things. We personally never got one - but I would totally have understood if Adelle had wanted one.

Buying insurance doesn’t mean you expect a fire. Even if you never draft one - have the conversation:

What’s separate?
What’s joint?
What about inheritances?
What happens if one stops working?

Anyone who's been through a divorce will tell you they wished they'd had this discussion beforehand. No they're not always upheld - but reasonable ones should be.

4. Are we funding our kids’ future or our own?

I see this tension often. You want to help:
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Private school.
Deposits.
University.

But i've seen this get out of hand. Couples working into their 70s all because they were overly generous. It then falls to their kids to support them in later life. If you're both in agreement - fine.

Calculating these opportunity costs is where it pays to have a financial plan.
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5. What does “fair” actually mean?

A 50/50 split on bills sounds fair…

Until one earns £150k and the other earns £30k.

Fair does not always mean equal.Not deciding creates tension.Deciding creates stability.
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All too often theres tension around the sacrifices a stay at home parent has made to their career and earnings, and how they are compensated for that sacrifice.

6. What are we sacrificing?

In financial planning something always has to give...

You can build wealth.
You can maximise lifestyle.

You cannot maximise both at the same time!

Most couples try. Then wonder why progress feels slow. Every decision has an opportunity cost - you just need to figure out what that is and agree on it.

7. When do we want to stop working?

If one wants freedom at 50…

And the other wants a bigger house at 45…

You may well both end up disappointed.

Retirement is all about managing cashflow - one side of the coin is income - and the other (less talked about) side is lifestyle - what will you actually be doing in your 60s.

Agree on that and your plan will be much more reliable.

8. What is your relationship with money?

We're all a product of our environment and our upbringing - at least that's my view.
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The way we view money as a resource often leads to disagreements within early relationships. All you can do is understand this.
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Maybe money was tight growing up. Maybe it was no object.
Maybe risks have paid off in the past. Maybe they have not.

When you ask yourself how you might behave differently had you been raised under different circumstances you realise that there's really no right or wrong.

9. Who actually runs the money?

In most couples:

One manages the money - the other one trusts.
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All I'll say here is - if you're managing - make it easy for the one who isn't to pick up when you die! Check out this post for every document you need to protect the ones you love after your gone. ​

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Money conversations are uncomfortable. But so is:

Overpaying tax
Financial insecurity
Confusion at probate
Discovering there was no plan

You can have difficult discussions now. Or expensive ones later!
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Until next time,
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Chris